Friday, July 1, 2011

long time, no see

Hello all,
I can't believe it has been this long since we started trying.
I had done a few rounds of birth control pills and I would get my period on them but after when it was time for my uterus to stand up and represent all I could hear was crickets chirping in the background. 2 rounds of clomid earlier this year also did nothing for me.
If you can't tell,I'm not as optimistic as I used to be. Maybe it was because I was young, maybe it was because I thought I wouldn't be one of the millions of people that infertility effects every day. But here I am, dreading the next pregnancy announcement on facebook,all those god forsaken baby-bump profile pictures. At work : "Don't drink the water Alecia, Lara, Heidi, Brittany, Jen, Jessie and Emilie are all expecting within days of each other!". Hating the holidays because I see you once a year, but the first thing that flies out of your mouth is something totally not your business and really insensitive. Yea, you know the drill - "Still no news? You know the whole family is counting on you, Jill can't have kids so your IT".
Can I just say that I wish my husband wasn't an only child with ONE cousin.
I'll freely admit I've skipped family Christmas and reunions for his side of the family the last 2 years.
My family is a bit better,being much bigger and spread out. My sisters are... understanding. My mom is optimistic but with 8 grandkids already she could careless if I gave her grandkids.But it's important to me.
My dad passed when I was 15, my mom isn't in good health and I want her to hold my babies for the both of them. If there is a God and a heaven and my mom meets up with dad there I want her to be able to tell him of a baby with soft dark brown curly hair and olive skin and the brightest blue-green eyes that only his daughter and the man she loves could make.
It just hurts. The constant reminders and feelings of incompetence that I can't do what comes so easy to so many. And because it's so common it's everywhere. So everywhere hurts. 3 Christmases of trying. 1 year, next year it will be us. 2 years, maybe next year... 3 years, maybe ....
Who knows what's going to happen tomorrow, next week,month,year... I promise to check in more often. I think this post has been good for me and hopefully I jut made someone feel less alone.

Goodluck, Hayls

Friday, March 27, 2009

AF is here

My period started yesterday. Let's see how long this lasts...

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Jumped ahead

Well, turns out AF was just some spotting, I am resuming the pills and hoping that AF comes and stays soon!


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

My story

I'm here to document my attempts at getting pregnant after 5 years on the depo provera birth control shot. I am not a doctor, this is just a personal journal of my own experiences. If you have any questions or are looking for any medical advice please contact your doctor or a family planning clinic.
After reading all to many horror stories on the web I decided I was going to publish my experience for all of the other woman out there who have taken depo provera and are looking for an optimistic view on the subject as well as an in depth story.
From what information I have gathered most woman are not fertile for the first year after discontinuing depo, although many are pregnant within the 2nd year. I am 21 and hoping to conceive within the next year.
I was on depo for 5 years.I started just shortly after I turned 16. I had my last shot in august of '08. I went 6 months after my next shot was due , October '08, with no b/c method or any other medications of any kind. I also did not regain my period in this time. So on march 4th '09 (today) I went to the reproductive health clinic and asked them if there was anything I could do to get my cycle back. They gave me a pack of birth control pills as is has been noted that sometimes all your cycle needs is a little push provided by the estrogen in the pills to get your cycle going.
During my visit they did a urine dip and found red blood cells in my urine. I had had symptoms of ovulation 2 weeks prior. My nurse said that I could be having something resembling a mini period as I had PMS symptoms every month after my shot was due and there just wasn't enough blood to make it visible to the naked eye. Or it was possible that my cycle was starting on it's own.
Being impatient like I am,I went home and took the first pill around 9:45 in the evening. By the time I took my shower at 1:30 am there was visible blood on the toilet paper. Talk about instant gratification huh? Anyway, I'm going to not take anymore pills and see how long the bleeding lasts. After it stops I'm going to start temping and using ovulation predictor kits to see if I am ovulating.
I'll be posting weekly at the least or if anything new happens.